Fanstatic week!
My talk on friday (at least in my eyes) didn't go as well as I wanted to, and my superviser said I should have concentrated more on the quantum mechanics than the gritty of Monte Carlo, but you can't win them all. Though, as the one good thing, my other supervise suggested publishing my 3rd year project in a journal, and maybe using it as a teaching tool for Monte Carlo simulation setups!
I was talking to the same people about what project I should undertake next year. This was more than a little problem for me, as the topic I have spent the last 6 months on was one of my choice, and had very little external help - they (my supervisers) simply let me go, only giving me a vague goal. While I obviously loved doing just that, it kind-a concerned me that I hadnt been doing actual research, simply a interest project. While they seem happy enough to keep doing what Im doing, I feel a little fear for what a real research job would be like.....
On that topic, I actually got my first job! Being a contract, it isnt true employement(3-6 months of work) but it is inside a research facility, and I'll have to spend some time working out who does the research Im interested in -- apparently they have a huge nanotechnology division. Who you ask -- I wish I could say -- I just signed my life away in a 6 page document which refered to laws from 1903 and serval laws from 2002! Glup. Bet they relise I protested teachers wages and refuse to employ me! The best thing about this job was the lack of interview - A combination of nepotism and "award" winning charm got me this post. And, I should need to work again for the rest of the year if I dont want it! Makes a nice change from the shitty paying jobs I've had till now (uni pays well, but never let any one accumulate any more than about 4 hours per week).
My Grandma just came out of hospital from having a massive section of her skull cut out and replaced (with some cementie stuff), due to a "abmornal" growth - bone tumour. It went well, but I get the feeling that Ill be glade when this year finially finishes -- there has been too much happening and too much to really deal with.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
End of an era
Ah, my last week of uni. Well, last week of paying for my uni. I am just finishing up my project work, and only have two exams left to complete. All up, this last semester has been one of the most enjoyable of my entire time at RMIT.
I say this is week of paying for uni because I just recieved my first batch of summer scholarships, and, baring anything unforseen, I should get the other scholoarships for next year soon. I even had the luck of a laptop scholarship thrown in as I am 'dyslexic'. The summer scholarships aren't that impressive, as in they are only about $3,000 worth, but then I only have to go in for a week or two - and there is a bit of discussion on what they want me to do.... Either taking the project I have been working on for the last 6 months further, or if I am to simply get a head start on Quantum mechanics for next year. Who really cares -- after all, its got to be better than working the braindead job I currently do. Oh, and I pitty for the poor bastards who have me as a tutor next year - Mechanics was bad enough when I did it - Now me and one of my mates are taking the entire thing off our supervisers hands (he was amost indecently keen to get rid of it).
I just finshed reading my lastest set of books (Mostly Murikami) and am concidering spending a majority of my scholarship on books. I probably shouldn't, but then I have always been missing the little angel which should tell you not to naughty things. :)
I say this is week of paying for uni because I just recieved my first batch of summer scholarships, and, baring anything unforseen, I should get the other scholoarships for next year soon. I even had the luck of a laptop scholarship thrown in as I am 'dyslexic'. The summer scholarships aren't that impressive, as in they are only about $3,000 worth, but then I only have to go in for a week or two - and there is a bit of discussion on what they want me to do.... Either taking the project I have been working on for the last 6 months further, or if I am to simply get a head start on Quantum mechanics for next year. Who really cares -- after all, its got to be better than working the braindead job I currently do. Oh, and I pitty for the poor bastards who have me as a tutor next year - Mechanics was bad enough when I did it - Now me and one of my mates are taking the entire thing off our supervisers hands (he was amost indecently keen to get rid of it).
I just finshed reading my lastest set of books (Mostly Murikami) and am concidering spending a majority of my scholarship on books. I probably shouldn't, but then I have always been missing the little angel which should tell you not to naughty things. :)
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
AH, and the office nerd-dom has reach another hight --One of my supervisors came into my part of the honours office yesterday, and along with the other guy who works in my "corner" proceeded to have a lengthy discussion about cheese and wine and all things digestible. After several hours we all agreed (that is once the entire office became involved in the conversation) that once a month we could have a cheese and wine day - meaning instead of doing the stuff that the uni pays us for, we'll spend it eating cheese, and drinking wine, though the engineer in me thinks that beer may have to come into the equation. This could become problematic for me as my work on Fridays is from 5 til 9, as it always is every other day of the week, but how I can withstand the pressure of university funded binging? AH, I suppose the only thing to say is where there is a will, there is a way.
On my rant from last week, I am still of the opinion that the world is very very wrong. How can people sit by and just allow things that we all know effect people outside our own little world to occur. Although I agree that peoples opinions are slowly diverging, and that is half of the problem that we face, should it be considered that you still have to actually care in some way or another, and shouldn't there be something of an accord between those who believe in the enlightenment of others, and those who care only for themselves? I almost believe that a majority of my hatred for others isn't based on me being totally insane, but on the fact that I feel that people are too apathetic towards the world, and this apathy is what turns me off and make me feel resentment and dislike. When you meet someone else who seems to care about what is going on and how flawed the world is, it is almost shocking. Most of my friends in the office are totally based on their research, and don't have much interest in the goings on outside themselves, although they do seem to enjoy the topic of social interactions and social structures amusing. I was scared that I was lapsing into imagined selfishness and insinuation, though considering how the last few months have been, this might not be a bad thing. Mums ashes are being scattering on Friday next week. I still don't think I've told anyone outside the people who absolutely have to know. I really don't want to deal with sympathy, real or faked. The world is too frustrating to add that to it as well.
Having said that, I though, only because I know that nobody I know reads my blog, I share my little joy - which I find totally at odds with the world, and totally unexpected. I have to unfortunately do chemistry classes this semester - one is a first year fundamentals that I( for unknown reasons) was unable to pass in my actual first year - something I am mystified about as so far I have aced the course, and am unable to work out where the hard stuff factors in..... Hmmm. The other chemistry class I did out of interest, one of my favourite lecturers started a new course and I joined in ( food chemistry, never thought I'd see the day), and this has been equally as interesting. ANYHOW, before I get sidetracked, I walked into my first class, and was setting up the equipment, when 'she' walked in. I don't know if you can ever say someone 'blew' your breath away, but she did. So much so, that I wasn't able to talk to her during the first class (a first believe me, usually you can't shut me up, and most of my lecturers have gotten use to my inessent questioning, and know me by name), and just kinda "bubbled" though the class. I think the week between these classes was the longest I'd ever had, as I could only think of somehow getting her to come out at least to lunch after class with me. Come the next lab, somehow I managed to 1 - talk to her, and 2-ask her out for lunch (which, since it was 1130, was a bit funny). And throughout lunch (which was at a little place in hardware lane - 'beetroot'), I couldn't stop talking... nervous again. Somehow, she seemed to enjoy my almost constant chattering, and along with teasing me about being 'skinny boy', also informed me that I talk allot :/. But then on what Ill call our first date, the shoe changed, and she out talked me 100:1. And is it sad to say that, although she is gorgeous, the most amazing thing is her eyes, they emit something that is both calming and reassuring, like black pearl which has hard edges but are still somehow unblemished and perfect.
Although I haven't changed my previous opinion, I have to say that I do believe in what Camus writes and what Evaf posulates - feelings can never be converted to words, and although nothing is written in absolute terms, verything is heading towards something - choas simply cannot be - 'god does not play dice'.
Oh well, as my supervisor is coming back to Melbourne on Monday (he has spent the last two months in Italy (uni pays again) talking about Quantum mechanics, and eating (by his own admission) vast amounts of really really ridiculously good Italian food) I may start talking about my project, which while it is going well-ish, has a long way to come and where else is it better to meander the meaning of Monte Carlo than here?
On my rant from last week, I am still of the opinion that the world is very very wrong. How can people sit by and just allow things that we all know effect people outside our own little world to occur. Although I agree that peoples opinions are slowly diverging, and that is half of the problem that we face, should it be considered that you still have to actually care in some way or another, and shouldn't there be something of an accord between those who believe in the enlightenment of others, and those who care only for themselves? I almost believe that a majority of my hatred for others isn't based on me being totally insane, but on the fact that I feel that people are too apathetic towards the world, and this apathy is what turns me off and make me feel resentment and dislike. When you meet someone else who seems to care about what is going on and how flawed the world is, it is almost shocking. Most of my friends in the office are totally based on their research, and don't have much interest in the goings on outside themselves, although they do seem to enjoy the topic of social interactions and social structures amusing. I was scared that I was lapsing into imagined selfishness and insinuation, though considering how the last few months have been, this might not be a bad thing. Mums ashes are being scattering on Friday next week. I still don't think I've told anyone outside the people who absolutely have to know. I really don't want to deal with sympathy, real or faked. The world is too frustrating to add that to it as well.
Having said that, I though, only because I know that nobody I know reads my blog, I share my little joy - which I find totally at odds with the world, and totally unexpected. I have to unfortunately do chemistry classes this semester - one is a first year fundamentals that I( for unknown reasons) was unable to pass in my actual first year - something I am mystified about as so far I have aced the course, and am unable to work out where the hard stuff factors in..... Hmmm. The other chemistry class I did out of interest, one of my favourite lecturers started a new course and I joined in ( food chemistry, never thought I'd see the day), and this has been equally as interesting. ANYHOW, before I get sidetracked, I walked into my first class, and was setting up the equipment, when 'she' walked in. I don't know if you can ever say someone 'blew' your breath away, but she did. So much so, that I wasn't able to talk to her during the first class (a first believe me, usually you can't shut me up, and most of my lecturers have gotten use to my inessent questioning, and know me by name), and just kinda "bubbled" though the class. I think the week between these classes was the longest I'd ever had, as I could only think of somehow getting her to come out at least to lunch after class with me. Come the next lab, somehow I managed to 1 - talk to her, and 2-ask her out for lunch (which, since it was 1130, was a bit funny). And throughout lunch (which was at a little place in hardware lane - 'beetroot'), I couldn't stop talking... nervous again. Somehow, she seemed to enjoy my almost constant chattering, and along with teasing me about being 'skinny boy', also informed me that I talk allot :/. But then on what Ill call our first date, the shoe changed, and she out talked me 100:1. And is it sad to say that, although she is gorgeous, the most amazing thing is her eyes, they emit something that is both calming and reassuring, like black pearl which has hard edges but are still somehow unblemished and perfect.
Although I haven't changed my previous opinion, I have to say that I do believe in what Camus writes and what Evaf posulates - feelings can never be converted to words, and although nothing is written in absolute terms, verything is heading towards something - choas simply cannot be - 'god does not play dice'.
Oh well, as my supervisor is coming back to Melbourne on Monday (he has spent the last two months in Italy (uni pays again) talking about Quantum mechanics, and eating (by his own admission) vast amounts of really really ridiculously good Italian food) I may start talking about my project, which while it is going well-ish, has a long way to come and where else is it better to meander the meaning of Monte Carlo than here?
Thursday, July 31, 2008
There is something really wrong with the world
There is something wrong with the world. I keep looking at how our world works today, and it really doesn't make sense. Stupid, illogical rules that are guaranteed to put people offside appear everywhere and there doesn’t seem to be anyone questioning them. There are several examples that I'd like to focus on: Money, Education and Social interaction. Money. The concept behind money is a good one: place ones worth in something tangible, and then use it the purchase someone else's worth. The problem is it is also the idea method of control. Nobody has the will to try out a different pattern, a different method or different measure because nobody can think of a better way. Well, come people have thought of other ideas, without taking into account that a majority of people are greedy, selfish and stupid. Even those who claim to be clever are just as prone to these traits, and more often than not, they are more likely to be the ones that you preserve as the above. Money has become more depressing as time has gone on. First there were loans, bribes and interest, now there is credit, overdraft and 'variables' in contracts that allow organisations that have horded money over the centuries to chase and prosecute you where ever you go. Credit is the creation of the devil, because it allows people, who in any other situation would be honest, to become vindictive and aggressive: and totally obtuse. People angrily blame the banks for issue them with credit when they should have said no, and the refuse to pay it back (although they spent it) because, again, it was the banks fault. And these same people won't feel guilt, because the bank isn't a person. Actually, allot of these people probably wouldn't feel guilt even if it was, and seem to enjoy lecturing about the moral obligations of others towards them. Education. It seems that the idea of education was born out of the upper end of society, because the more people I come in contact with, the more I am made to realise just how little value is place on someone being interested in something other sport or drinking. Indeed, the major goal of my 21 year old brother was "to have a wife, house and job." Again, this is what he wants at 21. Talking to some of the students I teach, I have realised that allot of them have exactly the same dream, even though they say they want to learn, a majority of them only want to do the degree to meet people, and to find the "one". The "one", the exactly right person for you, doesn't actually exist -- The entire concept of true love was made up to sell bras, or more accurately, to sell bra ads to bra companies (thank you Mad Men. If you haven't watched this already, I would recommend it). Everyone is convinced that their experience is absolute and that they know that there is someone out there for them; some people even cheat on the ones they "know" are for them simply because they need to feel someone else(A 에 대한 증오를 향한 당신), and really do excuse their actions due to this. Others simple don’t know what they want, and continually draw things out that should be ended, and state that they will never feel the same about anyone else again. Then there are those who proscribe to the theory that every moment is unrelated to the ones before, so you should live as if the current moment is your last. Yet this can't be true, as a truly random world would never produce the number of coincidences in such as small part of time and space as what a single person expenses in their life alone. Although I don't believe in god, I do believe that the overall chaos this reality is governed by some overarching law and this law dictates what people are going to turn out like, who they are going to connect to and the actions they take. Although I hope everything isn’t set in stone, I think that the overall world must be set in clay, which can be shaped by the chaos that surrounds life.
Social interaction, this feeds off what I was talking about before. People interact with each other on a strange level. I know that I have been spoilt in my life, as far as I have never dealt with someone I didn't want to deal with, and if someone I had liked become unlinked, I have been able to not deal with them again through simple process of non-interaction. But that has change remarkably, and it is mostly due to me being forced to come out of my shell at the ending of my last major relationship. I had a set of rules and actions that I would follow into every situation, and they had served me for all intents and purposes well until then. Once I started to really pay attention to the world around me, really started to interact with more than the people I simply had to deal with, I started to realise just how native I had been until then, and just how sheltered I had been. Dating, something that I had only really done twice before - one ended after about a month, the other went on for four years was even more of a shock. The myth that every guy really just wants sex at all times is not that true - most of the time when faced with a choice of short or long, most choose long, only because it lends self-worth. When faced with situations involving more than the single person, the left loathing comes into it in a major way - why am I not good enough to be the "one". Allot of the people I talk to think this, and allot of the apparent "playboys" are simply overcompensating for this simple reason. Again, they are driven, with a few exceptions, by the simple dream of a picket fence, and don't understand why they aren't good enough to keep. The girls that I've talked to always repeat the same line "he simply wasn't the one". Some more interesting variations are that the boy has flaws that are unworkable (so why did you go out with him in the first place?) that their family put pressure on them (most interesting being a mother of one of my friends stated that her boyfriend wasn't good enough looking for her..... then again her mother tells her that she is a sl*t, even though I think this is her first boyfriend in her 22 years.... weird). But, I suppose if something makes you happy, you should do it... not always the safest routes, but you can't take the smoothest road unless it is by chance.
I've finished my rant for today; I might put some Quantum notes on tomorrow simply to help me think. Oh, and me and the other guys in my office have reach a new level of nerdom==the printer started breaking down yesterday, so instead of calling maintenance, we all stood around trying to work out the wave function of the printed pages..... We went so far to start taking down numbers. Then our supervisor, who keeps a punch card calculator in his office because it is interesting, walked into the room and called us nerds... We sucked up stating it was his good influence that caused this.... Ah nerdom in the office. Lovely.
Social interaction, this feeds off what I was talking about before. People interact with each other on a strange level. I know that I have been spoilt in my life, as far as I have never dealt with someone I didn't want to deal with, and if someone I had liked become unlinked, I have been able to not deal with them again through simple process of non-interaction. But that has change remarkably, and it is mostly due to me being forced to come out of my shell at the ending of my last major relationship. I had a set of rules and actions that I would follow into every situation, and they had served me for all intents and purposes well until then. Once I started to really pay attention to the world around me, really started to interact with more than the people I simply had to deal with, I started to realise just how native I had been until then, and just how sheltered I had been. Dating, something that I had only really done twice before - one ended after about a month, the other went on for four years was even more of a shock. The myth that every guy really just wants sex at all times is not that true - most of the time when faced with a choice of short or long, most choose long, only because it lends self-worth. When faced with situations involving more than the single person, the left loathing comes into it in a major way - why am I not good enough to be the "one". Allot of the people I talk to think this, and allot of the apparent "playboys" are simply overcompensating for this simple reason. Again, they are driven, with a few exceptions, by the simple dream of a picket fence, and don't understand why they aren't good enough to keep. The girls that I've talked to always repeat the same line "he simply wasn't the one". Some more interesting variations are that the boy has flaws that are unworkable (so why did you go out with him in the first place?) that their family put pressure on them (most interesting being a mother of one of my friends stated that her boyfriend wasn't good enough looking for her..... then again her mother tells her that she is a sl*t, even though I think this is her first boyfriend in her 22 years.... weird). But, I suppose if something makes you happy, you should do it... not always the safest routes, but you can't take the smoothest road unless it is by chance.
I've finished my rant for today; I might put some Quantum notes on tomorrow simply to help me think. Oh, and me and the other guys in my office have reach a new level of nerdom==the printer started breaking down yesterday, so instead of calling maintenance, we all stood around trying to work out the wave function of the printed pages..... We went so far to start taking down numbers. Then our supervisor, who keeps a punch card calculator in his office because it is interesting, walked into the room and called us nerds... We sucked up stating it was his good influence that caused this.... Ah nerdom in the office. Lovely.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Is this really real?
I was doing everything in my power to not study, and ended up on youtube. To my horror I found my way onto the below clip, which was enough to send me right back to my books.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
The walls do talk
I feel slightly uncomfortable with some of my friends recently. More and more I realise that the people I mix with every day, indeed, with a few exceptions, everyone inside the department I work in seems to be really really sexist. I had to have words with one of my 'friends' over a snapping of a bra incident with my (then) girlfriend... I mean, since when is going up to someone and snapping the straps of her bra acceptable? Sometime I think it is me that is the weird one, I seem to be the only who is slightly uncomfortable with describing the girls we hang out with as meat, not poeple. I'm finding it harder and harder not to fall into that humer circle. And it isnt just the guys either. Several of the girls make exactly the same re-enforcing joke and comments that justify why the others do it. I really don't know. I'm jut glad that for the next five weeks I don't have to deal with it. **Hurray for rich English grandparents**
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Quantum Monte Carlo Methods
I've just got my second project from uni: Analysing Electronic Structures using Quantum Monte Carlo Methods. Simply put, Quantum Monte Carlo (QMC) is a highly accurate computational technique for solving the Schrodinger equation for realistic electronic systems. This project could take one of two directions, depending on time constraints, as well as my own developing interests, with both projects giving experience of what is involved in the ‘real world’ application of quantum mechanics.
1.Implementation: This project involves writing a QMC program in FORTRAN90 from scratch which exactly solves the Schrodinger equation for the helium atom.
2.Application: This project involves applying an existing QMC code to investigate the properties of molecules which may have important roles to play in future hydrogen storage schemes. This will involve the use of massively parallel supercomputers.
:) Can't wait :)
1.Implementation: This project involves writing a QMC program in FORTRAN90 from scratch which exactly solves the Schrodinger equation for the helium atom.
2.Application: This project involves applying an existing QMC code to investigate the properties of molecules which may have important roles to play in future hydrogen storage schemes. This will involve the use of massively parallel supercomputers.
:) Can't wait :)
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Calculus through C
Due to my evil supervisor, I'd had to program UNIX to calculate a minima via three methods - Bisection, Newton and Heuristic. Fun. I managed to forget to unassigned pointers for some of the variables, and so my tiny, "cute" program crashed my friends new quad core computer... Sigh. Hope can only come with the fact that it is more flexible as MATLAB program
Reminiscing really doesn't work
I thought I'd cheer myself up this morning by reminiscing about "happier times". I pulled out my photo album and looked over photos I'd had taken of me over the last 23 years of my life. Of course this is among the stupidest thing I could have done. Seeing mum brought back that pain. And then seeing G made it worse. Because she has a blog - and, mostly because I'd been blocking all thoughts regarding her the last few months, I haven't thought of looking at it. Unfortunately I did today. I can safely say I'm not going to interact with ANYONE for the next few days.
Only problem is the people I live with. My brother came into my room, and as usually, wanted me to do something for him. On seeing my bright green eyes (when I'm upset, my eyes change from sea green to a emerald green), he hesitated for a second before saying "can you drive me to the MCG?.. We can use my car?". Sometime I wonder about him. I agree. To take him in his car. His cars' battery "pops" out while you drive the car. Halfway home, it pops out. Wonderful. As I'm parking the car outside my house half an hour latter, I watch a guy argue with a girl. She hopped into her car and tried to drive off - AND HE TRIED TO PUSH HER CAR BACK INTO THE CARPARK? What does he think he is, super dickhead or something? God I hate everyone!
Only problem is the people I live with. My brother came into my room, and as usually, wanted me to do something for him. On seeing my bright green eyes (when I'm upset, my eyes change from sea green to a emerald green), he hesitated for a second before saying "can you drive me to the MCG?.. We can use my car?". Sometime I wonder about him. I agree. To take him in his car. His cars' battery "pops" out while you drive the car. Halfway home, it pops out. Wonderful. As I'm parking the car outside my house half an hour latter, I watch a guy argue with a girl. She hopped into her car and tried to drive off - AND HE TRIED TO PUSH HER CAR BACK INTO THE CARPARK? What does he think he is, super dickhead or something? God I hate everyone!
Incantation of my truth
It seems that not matter how hard I try, it is impossible to not be an arse-hole. The very thought of getting into the situation I found myself in makes me feel ill. Indeed, I've spent the last six months with my "non-girlfriend" for this exact reason: I don't want to have a relationship. I don't want to feel close to anyone. I don't want to have to deal with anything more than just friends. And then something like this happens. I mean, I though it was just a friendship - not anything more. And when I realised, or more correctly when she made me realise what she thought it was, It had to go. How can I get into this mess again? I assume that there must be someway to avoid it, someway short of becoming a leaper.
The world is just not right. It's like some sort of twisted game that even if you don't want to play, you get stuck into playing.
*@#!*($^!&*(%!*(%^##!&(%^&!*(($_@*)#%*(&.
Hopefully god goes and fucks himself.
Hopefully all of the gods fuck themselves. They all suck.
The world is just not right. It's like some sort of twisted game that even if you don't want to play, you get stuck into playing.
*@#!*($^!&*(%!*(%^##!&(%^&!*(($_@*)#%*(&.
Hopefully god goes and fucks himself.
Hopefully all of the gods fuck themselves. They all suck.
Monday, May 19, 2008
10 Dimensional Space
For those who are interested, ever wondered what the best fitting theory of the universe is based on? If my little six year old sister can grasp the concepts, I trust you all can too - String theory predicts either 10 or 28 dimensions (Has to be one of these to describe the current theories of Gravity and QM). The scariest thing about this is that It predicts that the universe was once 10-dimensional: That is all the dimensions where interlinked together. Then, in an act of "tunneling", the universe dropped down to a lower energy of a 4-dimensional set (Our reality) and a infinity small 6-dimensional set. This is scary, because if 4-dimensions inst the lowest energy, what if it happens again?!?!? When I feel more up to it I'll add some more to this...
Holidays
The last eight months have not been good ones. The only saving grace is that the worst is over - and now the only thing I can think of is the holiday I wanted to be having halfway through this year. Even though that's out of the question, I've organised a majority of the trip to occur during the summer holidays! In some ways this is the best thing, anyhow,as It gives me more time to make sure my Mandrin is up to scratch (learnt some with Poppy, and my friend in Jinan will undoubtedly yell at me for not practising more next time I talk to her), and to revise my French and Japanese. I suppose I should outline my trip so you know what I'm talking about;
I intened to fly out to Vietnam (One my my "Honkie" friends has family there, so I'll stay with them and hopefully be shown the sites with them) and stay there two weeks. From there I was going to fly to China (Alb's has to decide where she wants to show me still!!!) and stay two or three weeks there. Move onto Korea for a week, then catch the Trans-Siberian across into European Russia, where I'll stay for a week (my Grandmother - the one that watches Youtube - want to do that with me). I'd them meet Poppy in Germany for a week,then visit England (where I will stay with my farming family) for two weeks. I will probably be out of money by that stage, as well as out of time, so will be force to make the expensive trip home..
I don't really want to think about how much more I'll need to save, but thinking, since my original budget was $8,000 for Vietnam and china, adding in another $630 (if I don't intend on eating) for the Trans-Siberian, and another 8 or ( thousand for Europe, I don't think I'll be sleeping for the next six months. But again, what's life without its little hills?
I intened to fly out to Vietnam (One my my "Honkie" friends has family there, so I'll stay with them and hopefully be shown the sites with them) and stay there two weeks. From there I was going to fly to China (Alb's has to decide where she wants to show me still!!!) and stay two or three weeks there. Move onto Korea for a week, then catch the Trans-Siberian across into European Russia, where I'll stay for a week (my Grandmother - the one that watches Youtube - want to do that with me). I'd them meet Poppy in Germany for a week,then visit England (where I will stay with my farming family) for two weeks. I will probably be out of money by that stage, as well as out of time, so will be force to make the expensive trip home..
I don't really want to think about how much more I'll need to save, but thinking, since my original budget was $8,000 for Vietnam and china, adding in another $630 (if I don't intend on eating) for the Trans-Siberian, and another 8 or ( thousand for Europe, I don't think I'll be sleeping for the next six months. But again, what's life without its little hills?
Dearly Beloved
So it happened, and although I knew it was coming, I wasn't really ready. Ever since, all those weeks ago she ask my brother and me, while we where sitting in the hospital after her chemotherapy (for her lung cancer) to make sure that our other siblings where looked after, we knew. But you want to hope for an act of god (difficult since I don't believe in god). We knew the minute the doctor said that the cancer had spread to her brain to a degree that it was amazing that she was still able to breath, let alone talk and walk about. Somehow, she refused to let it rule her. It wasn't until last week that she finally started to show cracks - loss of memory, and the loss of her 'twinkle' in her eyes. Even so, last Sunday, she asked me to dance (we were listening to "I Robot" - Alan Parsons Project) and she told me that my singing was terrible and my dancing worse - deliberately making fun of herself. The last two days of her life must have been terrible - she had shots of morphine on an hourly basis, along with whatever other drugs she would 'normally' be having. I suppose, some sense of relief that she is no longer suffering, no longer fighting simply to maintain her memories.
Bye Mum. Love you.
Bye Mum. Love you.
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